Saturday, October 5, 2013

Drunk Cake

Have you seen all the Drunk Barbie cakes on Pinterest? There are so many different variations out there. Some of which are cute, some are funny, and some are just gross. Personally, I wouldn't want a Barbie toilet on my cake, but thats just me.

Fun right? I mean really, I could make a Drunk Cake pretty much every weekend just for fun and take over to a friends house with a bottle of booze. If that doesn't set the mood of the evening I dont know what does.

Since I'm not much for Barbies I chose to go the Monster High route. Besides, its not like I'm going to keep the dolls. My daughter has a massive MH collection with ZERO Barbies to her name. She was more that willing to keep the dolls when we were done. Parenting done right?

By using Monster High dolls, it can easily be turned into an awesome Halloween party cake too! 

Now for my version of the Drunk Cake:

Friday, August 23, 2013

Military Homecoming, the embarrassing truth.

I NEVER go overboard with the homecoming attire (oh how I wish this statement could end here.) However, since this is homecoming number 632 (sarcasm, but not that far off base,) I thought I’d spice things up a bit. Ha. First mistake! I wore a black and while polka dot number with some sexy black wedges -second mistake and covered up the bursting cleavage with a cute crop cardigan buttoned up- gotta keep it PG ladies. I had my hair and nails done in advance and arranged for a friend sleep over at the house with the kids, as it was suppose to be a 0400 ceremony.

He calls me at 1230 saying they were leaving location X and its only about a hour long flight so I needed to start making my way over to the ceremony location, STAT. wtf, over.

The time ended up being bumped to a 0130 ceremony, which totally messed up my time management planning. This should have been a sign that things were not going to go as I had hoped.

So I jump up out of bed (was trying to get a little pregame rest) and quickly got dressed, put on a little make up, flipped my hair over in hopes of bringing some life and bounce back to the curls, then darted out the door.  I stopped in the lobby to talk to the hotel receptionist for a minute, verifying that I’m not actually a prostitute leaving all dolled up at 1am even though I will be returning with a man. She laughed. I needed a little lighthearted humor.

By the time I made it to the ceremony location the parking lot was FULL. Was I the last to be informed of the time change? Man, I miss the good old days of FRG leaders actually making it their duty to make sure everyone knows where to go and called with time changes. Here in 2013 we have to click refresh on Internet browser to see if the webpage has been updated with changes, which it rarely is. So I parked my car, give my lips a little color, tried to tame the now unruly bedhead curls, and I took off in almost a sprint- clearly forgetting I went sans flats this time. Immediately I caught a rock awkwardly with my heel and twisted my ankle. Twisted my fucking ankle and fall in the parking lot at 0130, skinning up my knee a bit on the loose gravel. I was mortified, crushed, humiliated to the max! How could I forget I was 4 inches taller than normal?

With all the courage I could muster, I stood up, brushed myself off, and gingerly headed to the gate with a conspicuous limp. My ankle, now very weak, wobbling, and throbbing, my knee scraped and bleeding, my pride depleted.

I trudged forward.

I had a man to watch exit the plane, signifying the end of a deployment. I am determined to walk it off and not let the throbbing pain interfere. Just as I’m approaching the building, my ankle gave out. It completely gave out on me with no advance notice. There I go, falling again, only this time in front of some 4 soldiers on redeployment bag detail.  At this point, it was all I could do not to bust out in tears. My ankle is the size of a engorged orange, all pride and self-confidence – shattered. I just wanted to get my man and leave. And that’s exactly what I did. I took off those beautiful godforsaken damn shoes, waited patently for him to find me, we both got a good laugh out of my misfortune, and he helped me back to the car.

All the pain and embarrassment I had endured was nothing compared to finally feeling whole again. My partner in crime is back from another deployment. My heart is happy.

Apparently this should be my theme song...

Monday, May 13, 2013

Random things I think about daily.

  • Please tell me I'm not the only one who celebrates silently (and sometimes not so silent) every time I make it in and out of the garage without scratching the side of my car all to hell. 
  • I pretty much hate all you A, B, and C cup girls (not really, but maybe.) Why are there no D, DD, E sized bras that actually support in a sexy shmexy way? Is that asking too much?! 
  • Never underestimate the power of endorphins when getting a piercing. 
  • Never store hairspray near the salt water spray and the saline solution. Ever. In fact, just put the hairspray away all together.
  • I want a baby sloth. 
  • I really wish people would stop grouping all military wives in the same unflattering category. We AREN'T all the same, people! 
  • Blogging. Sorry I'm not a regular blogger, but I'm just not that interesting nor narcissistic enough to think you want to read everything I'd want to say.  
  • YAY for The Great Gatsbys opening week! Haven't seen it yet, but I'm thinking I may sneak off tomorrow and go watch it all by my lonesome self.  

And that, my friends, is just a moment in my head. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Fusion Whirl Pinot Noir Wine Glasses (Set of 4) ~ A Review

The review that beats all other reviews.. An excuse to drink.

Last month, the Wine Enthusiast sent me : Fusion Whirl Pinot Noir Wine Glasses (Set of 4.)


Although I find the Fusion Whirl Pinot Noir Wine Glasses to be quite beautiful and elegant, I would personally save them for new company. Ya know, not the the wine-o friends you're used to getting wine drunk with, but the new company you may be pretending to be all classy for. 


The glass and stem are both thin. The best way I can think to describe them would be to say that they are delicate, elegant, and they leave a lasting impression. They are perfect for formal dining, comfortable to hold, and unique. - Did I mention dishwasher safe too?! Score. 





Thursday, April 4, 2013

Ello Govna

MIA much?! 'Fraid so, but take a look at this BEAUTY! 

Review to come. Just need to test it with a couple more bottles of wine to make certain that I do in deed absolutely think these are the most amazing wine glasses I have had the honor of toasting with. - From the Wine Enthusiast

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Carepackage Idea List

Recently, I've had a lot of friends and family requesting a military carepackage idea list. I typed one up real fast and wanted to share it with all of you looking for something new to send your service member. Remember this is just a list I threw together. Feel free to add suggestions in the comments.

A few care package ideas:
• Oral care: Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Mouthwash, Floss
• Deodorant
• Fitness/Car/Truck/Gun/Tattoo Magazines
• Deck of Cards/Uno/Dice
• Hacky Sack
• Black/White/Olive Green Boot Socks
• Gold Bond Foot/Body Powder
• Sunblock
• Eye Drops
• Vitamins
• Q-Tips
• Chapstick (tubes only)
• Nail Clippers
• Lotion
• Liquid Body Soap
• Shampoo/Conditioner (2in1 is best)
• Razors
• Kleenex (Travel Size)
• Twin Size Sheet Set
• Bath Towel/Washcloth
• Books
• DVD’s/CD’s
• Headphones/Earbuds
• Word Search/Game Books
• Instant Coffee
• Power Bars/Protein Bars/Granola Bars
• Chicken/Tuna Lunch Kits (Pouches)
• Nuts/Sunflower Seeds/Pumpkin Seeds/Dried Fruit/Trail Mix
• Hard Candies
• Cookies
• Pop Tarts/Cereal Bars
• Bags of Snacks/Box of Crackers
• Gatorade Mix
• Crystal Light
• Beef Jerky
• Jelly Beans/Licorice etc.
• Gum
• Mints

Thursday, February 14, 2013

How well does he know me?

This was fun. I sent a list of  questions to the Mr. in an email and within a couple hours he was on the phone laughing saying how much he needed that fun little pick-me-up. Thank you, The Life Of A Not So Ordinary Wife.


So here we go :
How long have you been married?  
his: 11 awesome years
hers: 11 years

Where was your first date?  
his: Well the first time we went anywhere together was McDonalds for lunch. Our first real date would be Applebee’s and a movie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back -and we left early.
hers: McD's drive thru on our lunch breaks
Where was your first kiss? 
his: Swing set at the elementary school, more specific on a blue slide. 
hers: a playground. we went for a walk one night. 
Who first said, "I love you"?  
his: Most def I did at the river.
hers: Him. :)
What were your wedding colors? 
his: LOL Blue and Gold... baby. (go Rams)
hers: no real set on colors. 
What is her most commonly used phrase?  
his: Really, seriously, whatever.
hers: Are you freakin kidding me?
Who is her celebrity crush?  
his: Dan in real life. ( or any manly dude that cries) 
hers: Steve Carell  
If she was ordering drinks for both of you what would you each get? 
his: Coors for me and the list is too long to just pick one, bit of a drinker this one.
hers: if at a bar or pub, beer for both!
What is the best meal she has ever cooked you?  
his: Hands down chicken and dumplings.
hers: I think I make a mean pot roast.
What is the worst meal she has ever cooked you? 
his: It was just once but it was these weird green chicken things
hers: HA green chicken for sure! it was a total accident too.
What is the most-played song on her iPod?  
his: again a very long list, let’s say at the moment i would say Tegan and Sara, or Florence and the machines, or any number of indie rock girl bands. 
hers: I love so much... hard to say, but 'Back in your head' is played A LOT.
What would you say is her most annoying habit? 
his: Self confidence (or the lack there of)
hers: forgetfullness
What is the last thing she does before she goes to bed?
 his: (smoke a bowl if she can)    Sometimes he just shouldn't speak :-)
hers: play a game on my phone. 
If you could throw out one item of her clothing what would it be? 
his: any and all flip flops
hers: he hates crop pants.
What would you say is your favorite thing about her? 
his: Her laugh 
hers: sense of humor. 
What's her go-to drink at Starbucks?  
his: Carmel Macchiato
hers: Carmel Macchiato
What's her blog's name?! 
his: I gave it to her so i think i would know it, Ballistic Gypsy.
hers: Ballistic Gypsy!   
I miss him so very much.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Me - You = Sad

When was the last time you sat down and wrote out,  
[BY HAND] , a letter to someone?

Well, Holy Ravioli. I tried to write my Mr. some overly sweet, mushy, make you want to gag, letter and I am ashamed of how hard it was to do. Not the words, those come easy when he's gone, but making my hand do what my brain wanted was far more difficult than I had expected. Admittingly, I have neglected my journal for the past few months and I think that is the cause of this. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea that I was so out of practice of writing. WRITING. The thing I had done every single day of my life in one form or another until a few months ago.

Technology has ruined us.

When was the last time you wrote a love letter to your significant other?

Relationships are hard - Even harder with you have to deal with long distance relationships. Regardless of the distance, sometimes its nice to put down your phone, stop surfing the web, or pinning your heart out. This Valentines Day, write your loved one a letter. I recommend having a huge pad of paper ready and practicing because there is no backspace/delete when in ink. And if you're anything like me, whiteout is NOT an option. I have to start all over if one letter doesn't look as nice as I would like. It's annoying, really.

“I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” - Mark Twain

If you don't have the time or desire to get all lovey dovey with your love letter, then don't. A perfect alternative is to make a list of 'I Love You More Than...'s.

I Love You More Than Doctor Who.
I Love You More Than Pinterest.
I Love You More Than A Trip To Target Alone.
I Love You More Than White Wine.
I Love You More Than Bubble Baths.
I Love You More Than Pancakes.
I Love You More Than Instagram.
I Love You More Than Warm Gooey Marshmallows.
I Love You More Than Pretty Vintage Pyrex.
I Love You More Than Fruit.
I Love You More Than A Warm Blanket From The Dryer.
I Love You More Than Sheldon's Mom Loves Jesus. 
I Love You More Than My Phone.
I Love You More Than A Good Thrift Haul.
I Love You More Than The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Ah those are always fun.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Deployment 101

Deployment 101: Whatever obscure, weird, random thing that could go wrong- WILL. Save yourself the added headache and just be ready for it. If you're standing next to your printer/copier and you ask your soldier to please make a copy of his ID for your deployment binder, just grab that ID from him and do it yourself. Fifth deployment and that man still forgot to leave me a photo copy of his ID and guess what! I needed it the week he left to mail off his drivers licensed renewal stuff.  Luckily, he was able to copy it and email it to me within hours of asking for it. But the point is, try not to rely on him/her being able to send you what you need. YOU, as the spouse, need to make sure you're ready for what ever comes your way.

Here is a quick run down of a few things that you are going to want to start a handy dandy deployment binder.

You can request a Deployment Kit from USAA here. Some FRG's will provide this for you. I didn't want to use this big bulky thing, so I used some of the info and put into my binder.

Power of Attorney: You want a General POA for sure. Don't forget a Special POA if you are planning on any major purchases while your soldier is gone.

I had my man get a special POA specifically for taxes and one for anything dealing with the house. We own our home and I just wanted to have it JUST IN CASE something was to happen.

Passport: I still haven't taken the steps to do this, but I do recommend it. If your soldier gets hurt in combat, they are most likely sending him/her to Germany. If you want to be with them, you need your passport!

Customs forms: You know how friends and family are always asking, "Hey get me ________'s address & I'll send them a box!" but when they get to the Post Office many are faced with the challenge of figuring out a customs form. Filling those babies out are second nature to many mil spouses, but not all civi's know what its all about. What I do at the beginning of each deployment is go to the Post Office and grab a handful of forms and fill out the addresses in advance. I try to keep them in both my binder and in my purse. This saves the lovely friend wanting to help out, the headache at the Post Office and its a lot easier on me as well.

Soldier's ID: Copy his/her Military ID front and back as well as their drivers license. You just never know what you will need! {{{Having a copy of military ID is against DOD, do this at your own discretion. We have needed it in the past, but often times you are fine with just having a copy of his/her state ID}}}

Red Cross Info: In case of an emergency, before calling your local Red Cross chapter make sure and have the following information handy: servicemember's rank, address (unit, company and location where he or she is stationed), social security number, and branch of service.

I keep a copy of all this in my binder just in case something was to happen to me.  I have also told a trusted friend where my binder is if she needed to be the one to contact him.

FRG info: I, for one, am not big on the whole FRG thing. I know they are there for a reason and they are a very important part of the military. They are there to help! I recoment keeping the phone tree roster in your binder as well. You may need to contact someone if they have not contacted you about Home Coming information. No one wants to be the spouse not at the dag/hanger/field when your honey gets home. TRUST ME. It almost happened to a friend of mine a few deployments back. Right, Rain.

There you have it. A few tips that have helped me in the past. This is a tried and true method of keeping all info right where you know where it is.

Reminder: You will have sensitive information in here. Keep it in a safe, but convenient place.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Ode to the thrifters

I cant stop listening to this song.

No lie.

I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got 20 dollars in my pocket
I, I, I’m hunting, looking for a come-up
This is fucking awesome.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

wink-wink, nudge-nudge

Hows all the New Year Resolutions going?

I made a few general goals for myself this year. Not included on that list are things like going on a diet and quitting caffeine. Lets be real. Being hungry and going through caffeine withdraw simultaneously will land my ass in jail for murder faster than a pissed of woman can text. This I am sure of.

a few things on my list are:
  • Become a hugger. I know this sounds weird. I get it. But living down here in west Texas, these people hug and kiss on the cheeks when they meet you, greet you and to say goodbye. This may be the norm for some of you,  but I haven't been this intimate with random girls in, well, lets just say its been a while. {Flu season, please stay kind to me.}
  •  Blog only when I want to. I didn't like feeling like this was work because that is not why I started blogging in the first place! If I am uninspired for a few weeks, so be it. I'm not going to feel guilty. I'd much rather come here and blog about whatever randomness my little heart desires than to feel obligated to do so. 
  • Socialize more in real life than on Facebook. What do ya know, I've joined a Pinterest Group and went to my first Pinterest Party Friday night. There was wine (I brought some, to be sure of this) and there were crafts and many many many laughs. I think I'll go again.
  • Watch less trash T.V.  Who am I kidding? I'm hooked. I love me some trash t.v. My latest obsession is Shahs of Sunset. M.J. is my hero and I want to be best friends with Reza too.
  • Finally figure out my style. I may need to enlist the help of a stylist for this one... smh. Some days I stand in my closet and cry.
  • Read those books I bought five years ago. I have some gems on the shelves, I just need to sit my happy ass down and read them. 
  • Pull out and dust off the DSLR. {Nikon, I'm going to use you so hard.} I recently met a brilliant photographer and have been re-inspired. Time to put the iphone down and pick up that sexy beast I call my camera.
  • Go back to school. I start in a couple months. Wish me luck.